It started with a nightmare.

I went to bed like normal and before I knew it, I was in the beginning of a nightmare. A bad one, so bad the instant I woke up I wrote this.

It took place in the Burbank Mall in california.. but.. when I was in it, it was not like its usual self, all bright and preppy, it was just dark and empty and when i looked outside from the windows it was normal, people walking bright happy day. I couldn't get out and no one could hear me. It is kinda scary how in reality the windows would just shatter if what i did really happened, i threw chairs, tables, i even threw a sign at the windows, nothing had worked. I was still trapped inside.

i heard a flutter of wings behind me and i saw my cockatoo but something was wrong about her, her feathers were all rotten, she smelled really, reallly bad and she was trying to fly away from me but she kept falling and falling but when i tried to get to her, my feet would get stuck to the tiles on the floor and i'd get red vision and my head hurt, my ears rang. She finally flew a bit but it looked like she had hit a solid invisible wall and she fell down the escalator shaft. the ground let go of me and i ran after her. the moment i got two steps down the escalator, the entire place went dark, i couldn't see down the shaft anymore and my bird was screaming and i couldn't go up or down because the darkness was devouring everything around me.

I tried to wake myself up, i knew i was dreaming but for some reason i couldn't wake up. after the darkness overwhelmed me i found myself in las vegas (wtf) but it was dark and empty, cars were in the streets but they weren't moving and no one was around but only one area was bright, i think it was luxor, so i ran towards that huge black pyramid, i knew i got tricked because once i was in the lobby everything went dark inside and the outside went back to normal again, cars came and went, people were walking around, etc.

I turned around to see if i could use anything (again ) but nothing was there just a small arrea that was lit up by the outside,again, I was trapped inside. i went towards the edge of the light and my brother somehow appeared behind me, he said my name, i turned around, i couldn't see his face or any features of him because the light was behind him, he was kinda glowing because of that. I went to run at him but something grabbed my legs and i fell over, i felt my chin hit the ground and my teeth clacked, and i was dragged back into the darkness, i couldn't even scream because some of my teeth broke and flew back into my throat (WTF?!) i was choking somehow. the darkness behind me was screaming,snapping, moaning, groaning, scratching, clacking, slashing, i even heard a cat. it was a mixture of sounds that was so scary i can't fully explain it.

My brother seemed to drift farther and farther away from me each time i blinked as I was being dragged back, i finally managed a bloody gurgley scream and he kinda warped right in front of me, grabbed me by the sides of my head. I couldn't pull away. He was so close and I still couldn't see his face, he was mumbling something, something like "Its so pretty down here. Where are you Teni?! Where are you?!" He became frantic but it sounded like his voice was getting cut off by static.

I felt something in my back crackle and instantly my legs went numb. A grey haze covered my vision and i felt nausious, oh god my back broke. My brother held me up by the head and started squeezing my eyes in with his thumbs, i felt my left eye pop out but i can't describe that feeling.. its like a pressure on your eye, a sharp pain, then nothing. When my eye came out, he stopped pushing his thumbs into my eyes, I saw his face clearly but it kept warping, his eyes were black, like he gouged them out, I cried at this, his eyes are normally pretty blue-green and crystalish, I was missing an eye and I was more worried about his. His long black hair kinda moved to the side, I realized he cut his ears off, I screamed at this too, he held my head still, almost tenderly.

I screamed and I screamed and his head would kinda bob sadistically left to right, down then up, he'd smile and frown, some how scream. He kinda bent down a bit, I could see the light behind him as before and with my good eye, I saw someone familiar, but it made my heart sink. It was me, the me.. that I used to see as a male in my nightmares, the one that would hunt me down and kill me.

'He' approached my brother from behind and with one fluid motion, gracefully wrapped 'his' arms around my brother, reached up, stuck 'his' fingers into his mouth with one hand, the other covered my brother's eyes and nose and 'he' jerked 'his' other hand, and with a sick POP my brother's jaw broke off with one clean tug. My brother still held my head in his hands, I couldn't move. The male version of me lifted 'his' hands up as if 'he' was praising a god, and i noticed the blood and darkness on the floor was starting to crawl towards 'him'. 'He' laughed once, dropped my brother's jaw, brought 'his' hands down, pulled a pack of cigarrettes out of 'his' pocket, lit one and walked away, towards the light of the doors and as 'he' did, the darkness overwhelmed me again.


I was thankful i woke up after that because, really, my heart was about to explode out of my eyes from the stress i was feeling. strangely enough, this morning, my brother, had come home and what really, realllly freaking bothered me was when I saw him, there was a huge gash over his left eye. He said he got the gash from an open kitchen cabnet he failed to notice. i really really don't know what to think about it (the nightmare), and i did feel rather sickly about it and i haven't told him about it yet and I can't seem to look him in the eyes. I can't even look at myself in the mirror. The mind is a scary, scary, wonderful thing.

Spinebabies and Aomipu

Hello loves! (yes, i know this is getting super annoying, i'm sorry!! ) Below are two links, the first one is for the Aomipu template and the second one is the Spinebaby template.
You can modify & color these two to your liking(anyway you want), its kind of a club/group/badge thing. These templates are in .gif format so you need to use an art program, something like photoshop,etc--so yeah edit them to your liking!
(you can make your own too but keep the sizes
12x12, 15x15,50x50,80x80,100x100 )

---------------------------------------------------------
http://img519.imageshack.us/img519/2793/aomiputemplate1jk8.gif
http://img525.imageshack.us/img525/4562/spinebabytemplaterd6.gif
--------------------------------------
Little background info:
The Aomipu's are like a species of avatar they're just like small puff ball versions of something else.
------------------------------------------------------
Spinebabies are the creation of a number of people. It started when Xaphiroth had to go in for a spinal tap and then ManadaTehPanda freaked out and screamed something about a result of such a test 'tissues in the spine' or something, then it became a joke of Spinal Fetus, Spine Fetus, Spine Baby, something of the sort. That was back in Feburary!
It was just a few days ago that I joked around with a person ( Ve) and impregnated him with Spinal Fetuses
so he got the idea to draw such a thing, and then another person InsomniaticDreamer made a SpineBaby emoticon,stamp & an avatar.

How to get a spine baby, its easy, your spinal fluid is flushed out and fetuses are implanted in the fluid then it is put back into the spine :B

lol SpineBaby Society
--------------------------------------------------
Spine Babies Links/pictures:
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/56054970/
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/56048724/
http://spinebaby.deviantart.com
---------------------------------------------
If you are going to use the templates
please have them LINK back here to this journal!
and drop a link to where you are using one of the Aomipus or the Spine Baby!
yes coz this is a community thing!

I am a loser

I've done something stupid and unforgivable
I've hurt someone badly
and I'm feeling guilty-sorrow.
I don't know if it was out of lonliness or the
flaw in me where I can't say no.

A mistake I am learning from
one mental scar that will never fade even with time
of all the things I hate in people, I hate in myself.
I should've listened to the first warnings, feelings
what I was warned not to do.
I learn, I'm learning.

I guess this is the price I will pay.
I don't know if it is grief, or rage
I can't say I am suffering, its more about
how sorry I am and I will never be able to prove it, show it, feel it.

I wish I was evil, so I wouldn't care or it wouldn't bother me.

I say no in my head, I say no
I never act on... NO.
Just to make others happy...

so yeah, emo Teni. stupid Teni

How dare Teni complain.

well if the septic tank hit a fucking turbine

I won't ask why anymore.

I've also smashed that small violin long ago.
I have not complained once when people told me their woes, because I know if it came to me, I want people to lend an ear once a while.

Everyone makes mistakes.
I'm trying to believe this.