I am a loser

I've done something stupid and unforgivable
I've hurt someone badly
and I'm feeling guilty-sorrow.
I don't know if it was out of lonliness or the
flaw in me where I can't say no.

A mistake I am learning from
one mental scar that will never fade even with time
of all the things I hate in people, I hate in myself.
I should've listened to the first warnings, feelings
what I was warned not to do.
I learn, I'm learning.

I guess this is the price I will pay.
I don't know if it is grief, or rage
I can't say I am suffering, its more about
how sorry I am and I will never be able to prove it, show it, feel it.

I wish I was evil, so I wouldn't care or it wouldn't bother me.

I say no in my head, I say no
I never act on... NO.
Just to make others happy...

so yeah, emo Teni. stupid Teni

How dare Teni complain.

well if the septic tank hit a fucking turbine

I won't ask why anymore.

I've also smashed that small violin long ago.
I have not complained once when people told me their woes, because I know if it came to me, I want people to lend an ear once a while.

Everyone makes mistakes.
I'm trying to believe this.